Sayonara, London

Well, not quite yet. Still a day left before leaving for home Saturday. Still, I doubt I'll post much before then, what with my irregular schedule and all...

Right now the other students are having a farewell reception down in the kitchen. I was there briefly to get some cake and our "yearbooks" (which as always have about two photos of me), and then I went back up to my room where I'm writing this.

So... yeah. Honestly I don't feel like part of the group. Haven't since I got here back in January.

Honestly, the people here make me feel unwelcome and unwanted. Most people never made an effort to even talk to me, and when I tried to reach out I was ignored. Occasionally people invited me places... only to pay attention to their friends and completely ignore me. So I don't think I ever really fit in here. And I'm fine with that, really, I am. Because, I'm going to be honest now, I didn't ever expect to fit in as part of the group. I did not expect to be accepted and make a lot of friends. That's not how it works for me, I don't get to make a lot of friends period, and I suspected from the start that as soon as this is over and we go home, none of these people are going to talk to or think about me ever again.

And I'm fine with that. Really, I am. I'm starting to get sick of people who refuse to even show a little consideration from the moment they meet me, and the few people I did know from Central are horrible enough to me that I just explained that I didn't know anyone here. But after a long time to dwell on it, I decided that I'm not going to blame myself anymore for people being unkind to me. That's their problem, their loss. I have plenty of people who genuinely like and care about me back home, and I look forward to seeing them again.

I liked London, don't get me wrong. I just don't really feel that close to the people I had to share it with. People I knew who treated me like crap, people who were rude and dismissive, and girls who can't look past outer appearances and see that maybe there's someone right there worth taking a chance on.

If I was a worse person, I would not even attempt to be civil. Many of the people here aren't worth it. A very few actually made a small attempt to get to know me, but... too little too late, perhaps. I don't know.

I'm ready to go home and see the people who care again.