Handshake DENIED.

Here's a protip for you all: never offer your hand to the president of your college if you're the guy under the desk. You'll get ignored...

So yeah, we had Central's current president and his successor on the Central Late Night show tonight. The new guy is pretty funny, I think he'll do well in the position. Now, I can't say if maybe my sitting under that cramped desk altered my perception a bit, but from where I was sitting (ha) he seemed like a fairly funny and well-meaning man, which I suppose is good since he'll be the one handing me my diploma.

Looking forward to summer. I will have a lot of time to take up by doing stuff, and I'm already starting to plan what I'll do. I think I need to try to audition for something in a theater somewhere. Get some more experience, have some fun, get out of the house for a bit, all that jazz.

I have a feeling I'll be in Iowa City a lot, when I'm not traveling elsewhere. I may also try to get my driver's license, at long last. I should probably do that, but that's accepting that I'm not twelve years old anymore and I cannot do that.

My friends are cool. I appreciate them. And the hugs. And the late-night visitation to play video games that just turns into a fun chatfest. I felt alive again, for a little while today.

It doesn't hurt quite so much as it burns, now. I try to avoid them, especially when they're together. But you can't always... and when she notices that I'm there, and I wonder what she's thinking, doesn't help. I'd sort of rather she ignore me altogether than that.

Two separate people, now, have suggested that I may actually be in love. Look, I'm not going to say I am, I'm not sure I'm in a good enough emotional state to consider that kind of thing, and as one pointed out, putting labels on it doesn't really help in any way. BUT.

You gotta listen to your heart. Even if it screwed things up before, and it may very well screw it all up again (Lord knows that's true in my case), you have to trust it, because you can't trust anything else if not that. And my heart's pretty strong, it has to be to have survived the stuff I've gone through. Do you know what it tells me?

"Keep going for her. She's different than the others."

I can give her the world, if she gives me the chance. Just have to hold out. Wait for her to see the massive mistake she's made and realize there's someone far better who's been waiting for her all this time. I don't want anybody else but her, because my heart is telling me that she could just be the one to make me happy.

I really hope she is. After all the previous heartbreaks and failures I deserve that, at this point.