Hugs. They are made of win

Seriously, they are. I haven't a lot to talk about today, mostly uneventful Thursday.

So... second performance went great, I enjoyed it and I think I am still a good board op. Heck, I'm even pretty fast at sound cue, which is basically going through all the cues at high speed before the show to make sure everything is working. There's actually a lot of shifting of stuff when you do it that fast, sometimes I have to get five sliders moved within a second when we do that. Normally I have lots of time between cues, so it's good practice either way.

After the show there was a nice reception party for everyone involved in the last few shows. There was cake. It was nice. I didn't stay in there long, though... 'cause she was in there with him. And they were standing off in a corner, whispering and giggling and touching, and I just left while I still had control over how I felt.

So I was there eating my cake out in the lobby, and one of my best college friends is out there too, asking why I'm eating there. "So I don't get unnecessarily angry," I replied. He understood right away. Which is why we're friends. And then not too long after I got hugs from people who both do and don't know about this situation. Sometimes I just need the touch of another human being to remind me someone cares. And it helped. A lot. I remember going long periods of time with little human contact at all- verbal, physical, or otherwise. No wonder I've felt so cut off at times, right?

And then, having finished my cake and taken care of things, I decided to leave, and ran into my friend again just as he was coming back to the theater (he'd left temporarily for something, and I was leaving at just the same time as he returned). And I told him: that little action meant a lot to me.

"If it helps I'm glad to do it," he said, and I got another hug. He went back in and I left. I stopped at the bell statue near the pond, suddenly having an idea. I climbed on top of it and, thinking for a moment, unleashed a dramatic, Gurren Lagann-worthy speech declaring my intention to defy the universe and choose the fate that I determined with my own heart. And I made it my Facebook status. I am not sad or depressed right now.

I am determined.

Determined to keep fighting and keep my head up.

Determined to not give up on the girl I have feelings for.

Determined to do things right.

I am not a quitter. I am not a bad person. Nor am I ugly, stupid, worthless, emotionally stunted, untalented, or futureless. Never have been, never will be.

I have people who care about me and believe in me. The me that they believe in... the Troy that I believe in... isn't done. Not by a long shot. NOT EVER.

For the person I'm becoming, the person I'm supposed to be, this is not a hard thing to do. To keep going is part of my nature.

I've found the reason why, and I just know it's here to stay: I was born into this world so I could cherish every day...